I guess in order to understand why I am working so hard to accomplish this astronomical goal of building schools (the cycling part will be the easy section comparatively, I think),
then perhaps a little bit of delving into what's made me the person I am today is in order.
I'm a Welsh (South African) girl, through and through, I am the youngest of two girls, my sister was 4 years older than me. Whilst I write this, it's so difficult because I know I was and I am loved by my parents so much however after everything I have always felt a little disconnected.
I believe, as a child, I never really learned how to communicate or deal with confrontation without a little bit or a lot of anger. My parents I'd say fought a lot over the years and so I guess I learned that in moments of pressure, anger was the only way out. My mum always told my sister and I that if we ever needed to talk about anything then she was always there for us but her actions showed a different story, so I never really felt like I could ever speak to her about anything. Also being a daddy's girl, I don't think I ever really bonded with my mum in a way she wishes now that I am an adult, even though she tries everyday.
At the age of 8, my parents moved us to South Africa. My dad being a Welsh coal miner facing unemployment in Wales, started working for a large South African energy company which moved us to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. My sister being 4 years older than me was a brilliant talented young mind who had so much promise in her and probably would have taken the musical world by storm. She played the trumpet from a very young age and instantly played like one of the greats. As a child all I ever heard was how amazing my sister was, how incredibly gifted musically and academically she was and how I just simply was not.
Moving across the globe from a tiny little village in Wales to a little town in the middle of nowhere in South Africa was challenging to my sister because there was nothing there for her. She had to give up her musical gift because there were no teachers in the area to help her move forward. Growing up I became a space cadet, living in little bubble of my own and ignoring everything that was going on around me. I wasn't the golden child so who cared. I kept my head down and as my mother and sister butt heads all the time, as long as I wasn't in the firing line it suited me.
I was 14, when my sister committed suicide (the police report says the accident is inclusive however everything points to her having jumped off her balcony). Life changed drastically as my mum was at the same time in the UK saying good bye to her mum. She then had to come back to South Africa to say good bye to her first born daughter.
We never really spoke about it and while my parents grieved by themselves I felt lost and alone and not really able to speak to anyone. School got worse because I was unable to concentrate and after a while I simply fell behind everyone. I was muddling along hoping that I would make it through. This person whom I probably idolised was gone, this genius mind that I so wished was me was gone. I can't remember anyone ever checking on me, stepping in and saying how are you doing? I was simply the child and so somehow that made my feelings and emotions less than worthy.
I have never felt worthy of anything.
I was told I wasn't an academic and yet I loved to read absolutely everything I could get my hands on (now I understand that I don't learn by sitting and staring at a board, listening to teacher explain everything. I need to be hands on, I need to get involved with my understanding of a subject and I absolutely thrive on studying). There never seemed to be any encouragement or questioning about my grades in school. My mum would always say as long as I am doing my best, but she never questioned if that was my best or not. Being abused as a child and being beaten for not getting good grades at school, my mum never wanted to do that to her children so she simply didn't do anything at all. My dad never really had much to say either mind you, I guess in those days raising children was left to the wife. Both my parents worked so hard to give us a better standard of living that working hard was all they knew.
This really does sound like I am blaming my parents and perhaps for a long while I did, but growing as human, (trying to find answers about why I am the way I am and how can I be better) healing myself, I now use the experience as a tool to be better and to improve myself in a way that I hope to offer the world a better version of me everyday.
The worst for me was being told, "I'm a good little...." I used to absolutely love art and I loved to draw. It was always, "Paula is a good little drawer (not artist), or Paula is a good little copier" as I would copy an image of an animal or such. It 100% always felt so patronising to me (not that I have ever told my parents this because it would probably start a massive fight and the beginning of world war 3). My parents, as I guess any with any parent, hates to hear how they fell short of being a parent because every parent on the planet are always trying to do the very best in their eyes.
Never really having had a role model or mentor, it's been really difficult for someone like me with the biggest of dreams to fulfill them. Not knowing how to start, or take that first step forward has always been a big part of the problem. Never being able to feel like you can ask for help for fear being shot down, (is a major block that I have had to overcome and still working on) is something I wish for no one. There are millions of children in the world who's parents want the absolute best for them but they are unable to because they might be a single parent, currently out of work, or they simply don't get paid enough in order to provide their child(ren) with the type of education that every child deserves.
My drive comes wanting to show myself that I am just as capable as my sister was. That I can be just as amazing as she was. She's not with us now and so I perhaps I feel like I can never live up to what she was. I need to push myself to not be lazy, to not be ordinary. Every day the drive to be better burns deep inside and I need to show myself that I am not the forgotten child.
Once I discovered what I loved I never stopped studying, I've delved into many subjects and dabbled at many things, I've grown as a person and formed someone who I am almost happy with. I want to help children discover this from a young age and not necessarily have to go through the hardships of feeling like you could be more if only you were given the opportunity. Without opportunity the road is long and hard and some will make it but many wont and yes the strongest survive but the world would be a much better if we could simply alleviate some of the burden off the parents.
By simply removing one worry/obstacle from the parents, it would allow them to focus on the family and lifting the whole family up to a better standard of living. To know their child(ren) are being taken care of whilst not in their care and receiving a level of education that will allow them sore in whichever field they see for themselves in the future is a burden lifted of their shoulders. Every single child should be able to see a good and healthy future for themselves.
A school should be a place where learning and growth is encouraged, a place where children learn to apply the knowledge they have absorbed. It should not be a place where children learn how to parrot back the information given to them. If they become good little parrots how do you know they fully understand? I want to help children understand that life is hard work yes but if you apply yourself you can make a success of it. Everyone has the opportunity to do well in life if given the right tools and encouragement from the start.