Sometimes I am a little hesitant to tell people my story for fear of being judged. For fear of not being enough and for fear of never accomplishing what I always speak about and wanting out of this world.  I know there are people out there who have had and still do have a worse life than I did growing up because I was loved,  however things said and done, I was broken, I've worked hard on myself to be person you see before you right now and I am still a working progress.

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I've been told that God blesses those who wait however I can't and won't believe that because those who wait accomplish nothing. So instead, I choose to believe that God blesses those who are willing to put themselves out into the world and risk the ridicule of others in pursuit of what is right. 

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My sister (18) died when I was 14. She was already a very accomplished young lady being older than me, I always felt like there was nothing I could do that would make my parents see me the same way as they saw her. While she was gifted musically, academically and athletically, I had none of these qualities apparently. I will never forget my mum telling me I wasn't academic. I wasn't ever questioned about anything, never encouraged to do better, I was never encouraged to do anything, as long as I was doing my best that's what I got. My best, was never really my best but because no one ever questioned me so I just said yes it's my best, I went through school under par.

 

I grew up in a family where communication was screaming, fighting, and objects being flung across rooms. I never really learned how to communicate properly, (growing up I can't remember actually having had any form of meaningful conversations with my parents) I had to teach myself. In order to have relationships with other people, be friends or colleagues or partners, I hated confrontation because I would immediately go to anger.  

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I then found myself in an extremely abusive relationship just out of school but because I didn't want to live in the town where I grew up as I saw no future (I knew that I needed to push myself because I felt like I was the only person who believed in me), I endured six years of mental and physical abuse thinking I loved this person, and they would change. Ten years after this relationship ended, I got divorced. Another failed relationship.

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One thing that has always stuck with me my whole life, I've always felt the need to prove myself to myself and to the world; having always had the desire to push myself to my limits. I have also made a lot of excuses over the years as to why I haven't accomplished the goals I set out for myself. In the end however it all boils down to; I got in my own way and used my past as my crutch. After years of growth and personal learning, now it's time for me to truly push myself and accomplish the things that keep me awake at night. To truly serve others and show the world that it is possible to create and help others build futures for themselves they can be proud of. That together everything in life is possible. If we share knowledge and show our youth how to use the knowledge bestowed on them, we are lifting each other up and breaking them down. Breaking down the walls and barriers, giving disadvantaged children opportunities to grow, flourish and to see themselves as successful. Remember success is different to everyone. 

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Wanting to always challenge and push myself I found myself at the start of this journey in 2020 where I decided it was now or never. The goal was set for 2024. giving me four years to train and find sponsors. In this time I found Ital Cycling Tours for whom I am now a proud ambassador, helping to unite people and the love of cycling. It was on my Italian training camp I met my coach Ian Jenner without whom I wouldn't have made it this far. I am forever grateful to my Italian Family always.

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Now in this moment is my opportunity to push forward and succeed in my mission.

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